Relationships are lonely

Relationships can be lonely.

What? It’s true.

And while I don’t regret even the tiniest bit of every single second I’ve spent in this one, it does tug my heartstrings that I may no longer be the girl who makes her friends No. 1. There’s someone else occupying the No. 1 speed dial on my cell phone.

Browsing Facebook and Instagram these days, some of my friends’ happier posts about hanging out together give me a twinge.

A little guilt, for not having that spontaneous free time, and a little sadness that I made that choice.

Though to be completely honest, even if I weren’t in a relationship I’d still be pretty darn busy. I’ve always been that way. I go to things, I join clubs, I participate… but I still have free time and these days I give most of it to the same person.

When you’re a gal who always put priority on friendships, it’s tough to hear, “Well, you’re in a relationship…” as the reason you didn’t get invited. It’s normal, right, to figure your friends assume you’re busy (totally legit if you’ve seen my calendar) but it’s difficult to hear it wasn’t that they think you’re busy. It’s because you’re in a happy relationship. And single girls want to hang out with other single girls.

And that’s totally legit. I get it.

I guess I need more ‘couple friends.’

It’s pretty darn wonderful to have someone you want to spend all your time with, and who feels the same way. I wouldn’t trade our adventures together for all the single nights out, but nights out just aren’t the same any more. Time to grow up.

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4 comments on “Relationships are lonely

  1. When Eric and I were first married, I couldn’t bear the thought of being away from him, so I only went out with my friends when I knew he would be at work or already had plans. Eventually, I got over it though. Everyone goes through that I guess.
    But yeah, I like doing more big guy/girl things together, with an occasional girls only happy hour thrown in : )

  2. Michael Doss says:

    The same thing happens when you have a kid. The invites slow down, and friends (especially those without kids) either assume you don’t want to hang out, or they don’t want to compete with your kid for attention at dinner (which is an absolutely reasonable reaction). I’ve actively searching for more social outlets now that my kid is older, and it’s tough.

    • rubysongbird says:

      Suspected as much, but didn’t really want to admit it to myself. I’m totally guilty of not calling friends with babies. I’m just not interested in hearing about baby stuff, and I don’t want to deal with baby drama (crying, diapers). Probably makes me a terrible person.

      • Michael Doss says:

        Only if by “terrible” you mean “totally normal”. I pretty much HATE going out to dinner with other people’s children – I only do it if I have to. I don’t even like having them over to my house most of the time – mine knows what she can and can’t do, but bring over someone else’s, and they feed off each other’s excitement, the place gets torn to hell, and the grownups can’t talk. I pretty much drop the kid off nowadays if we’re having people over, or want to go out to eat and actually have a conversation/enjoy the atmosphere.

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